Thursday, October 13, 2005

Welcome to My Whiny Mood (I'd Run if I Were You!)

Today I intended to sew. I don't know what exactly I intended to sew, I just intended to start something new because it's been too long since I've accomplished something quilty. But before I figured out what to work on (note the skillful stalling tactics!) I decided to take care of another chore, namely uploading a couple of photo files to a small group I'm a member of because, well, never mind why, that isn't important. The point is they'd requested a photos of a couple of recent works from each member. So I looked through my quilt photos. Bad idea. I should never, ever DO that when I'm in this particular state of mind. Because when I slide into this dark, whiny-ass mood there is no pleasing me. I normally like my quilts. I have no delusions that they are great and timeless art, but I like them. They make me happy - usually. Not today. Today I looked at the photos and thought "Crap. Crap. Crap. STINKING Crap. Crap. More Crap. Crap." You get the idea. So here's a portion of the note I wrote to the aforementioned group of friends:
"This is a bad time for me to be doing this because I'm going through one of those MOODS I go through now and then - the Mood where I decide I'm a talentless hack who should stop torturing poor, defenseless fabric and go flip burgers at McDonald's while pursuing the creative hobbies of painting ceramic gnomes and making polyester loopy potholders in my spare time. In other words, right now I'm making nothing new, I'm feeling like I will never again make anything new, and I pretty much hate most of my old stuff."
May I just state for the record how much I hate it when I feel this way? I don't do angst well. I don't have enough practice at it. I'm much, much better at cheery and irreverent. So I'm ready for this to be over now. I'm ready to feel creative again. I'm ready to have a quilt idea I actually like, dammit. My Pet Peeve for the day: I hate my brain when it's had too much whine.

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