Thursday, February 17, 2005
One of the Things I Do in the morning as I'm having my first cup of coffee is check out the "Strange News" headlines at Yahoo. The top headline today was "Wrong Chemical Makes Shoes 'Flatulent'". Well, I couldn't very well NOT check that out, now could I? It turns out that a Florida shoe manufacturer was receiving complaints from customers who had purchased shoes with gel insoles. The customers said that with every step, their shoes gave off a sound like passing gas. The shoe manufacturer agreed that this was a Bad Thing and has responded by filing a lawsuit against a supplier, saying they supplied the wrong chemical for the insoles and that the Farting Footwear is therefore all their fault. Ok, I can understand them being upset, but I have to say I think they are going about this all wrong. The last thing the US court system needs is one more lawsuit. Whatever happened to looking on the bright side? Turning lemons into lemonade? Smashing a window with your farting shoe when God closes a door? I think instead of suing their supplier, the shoe company should just change their target market for the shoes. I mean, come on....how many little boys between the ages of 5 and oh, say...50 do you know who wouldn't like to own a pair of Farting Shoes?? Granted once the boys reach dating age any of them with any sense (or at least any of them who ever want to stand a fighting chance of having sex), will want to own at least one pair of NON-farting shoes for occasions like dates, business meetings, funerals, weddings (their own or others...although I can think of a few men I've met who would think it was pretty darn funny to wear Farting Shoes to a wedding....but I digress). But most of them would still LOVE to have a pair of Farting Shoes too. Can you imagine a whole court full of basketball players wearing Farting Shoes? That might be funny enough to entice even me, one of the most non-sports-oriented girly-girls you'd ever hope to meet, to go to a game! Schools would be bound to ban them, but the boys could sure have fun in class until they did. (Abject apologies to all my teaching friends and relatives for that thought!) So I would suggest to the folks at Farting Shoe Land that they stop making the lawyers richer and instead hire a good kids' shoe designer and a great ad agency and turn this problem into a golden opportunity! And by the way...in the tradition of the much-missed Dave Barry...wouldn't The Farting Shoes be a good name for a rock band?