Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Explaining Bob and Sylvia

It has come to my attention that my post on March 20 may have confused some people. This occurred to me when my friend Bev asked---in confusion!---"Who are Bob and Sylvia? Are they Mavs*?" Nope, Bob and Sylvia aren't Mavs. Bob and Sylvia are a pair of TV news drones who live only in my lurid imagination. They're very clear in my mind though. Bob is tall and has carefully mussed brown hair, twinkling blue eyes, and a dimple in one cheek. He's dumb as a stump, however he is capable of reading from a teleprompter if the words aren't too big. His real name is Buford Krump, but he changed it to Bob Katt when he entered the world of TV because he thought Bob Katt sounded hot. No one has had the heart to tell him otherwise. And if they did, he would probably think they were kidding. Sylvia is tall too, and ruthlessly thin, but busty. She looks a lot like a mean Barbie doll with a blonde pageboy haircut. She's a former Miss Tennessee who placed as first runner-up in the Miss America pageant in 1989 and to this day she swears that the winner slept with one of the judges. She's worked hard to get rid of her Mud Ridge, TN accent but it still breaks through now and then when she's really pissed off. Her name really is Sylvia Slutterbug because, really....who would make that up? She would've like to have changed it, but since she was known by her real name on the pageant circuit, she kept it and pretends to be proud of it's uniqueness. So, in case they show up again (and I'm sure they will!) that's Bob and Sylvia. Maybe someday I'll introduce you to some of the other unique characters that live inside my head. Hey...come back! (*Mavs=QuiltMavericks, a quilting-related email group I belong to)