Sunday, September 11, 2005
Joshilyn is hosting a contest called Blogging For Books and this month's topic is SuperHeroes. Somehow that sparked A Thought in my mind. (Yes, I have Thoughts now and then. Shut up.) I started thinking about what it would be like if there were enough SuperHeroes in the world to need their own specialized training program. What would the training be like? How would they choose who was accepted for SuperHero training? Here is my version of what I think a SuperHero training application form might look like in such a world.
SuperHeroes Official Union Training
Thank you for your interest in SHOUT. Please complete this brief application form as fully and accurately as possible. Circle the letter of the correct answer for each question and fill in the blanks when asked for additional information. Use extra paper, if needed. Attach a recent photograph with your name and contact information on the back. Permanently invisible beings may substitute an x-ray or DNA sample for the photograph.
1. What are the origins of your super powers?
a. Heredity. List parents’ real names, secret identities, and planet of origin, if known.
b. Spontaneous mutation. List date you first noticed you were a little different than your peers; for example the first appearance of scales covering your skin, or laser beams shooting from your eyes.
c. Blood transfer with another species, such as spider, werewolf, etc. List species, if known.
d. Prolonged exposure to gamma radiation, toxic waste, etc. This category also includes personal lab experiments gone wrong. List details.
e. Government experimentation, with or without your consent, in a secret underground lab. List name of government agency involved, provided that revealing said name will not result in the death of yourself or others.
f. None. I rely on my intelligence, scientific knowledge, and vast wealth to create gadgets that simulate super powers.
g. I’m supposed to have super powers?
2. Please describe your super powers. Circle all that apply.
a. Super speed
b. Super strength
c. Flight, or the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound
d. Invisibility, or the ability to become incorporeal, or to mimic the shape of another being
e. Ability to affect elements around you, such as flaming, freezing, manipulating magnetic fields, etc.
f. X-ray vision. Applicants with this power will be required to sign a special no-cheating affidavit if accepted into the program.
g. Telepathy, mind control, or other mental powers. See note, item 2f, regarding cheating policy.
h. Miscellaneous. Please list all misc. powers in detail.
i. None. I rely on gadgets as detailed in item 1f.
j. None. But I look really hot in tights.
3. Have you ever become evil?
a. Of course not
b. Define “evil”
c. Yes, but it was due to circumstances beyond my control. If choosing 3c, please list the object or device that turned you evil and the antidote. Also list the duration of your evil rampage.
d. Yes, but I came back to the side of Good voluntarily when I realized I don’t look good in black.
c. Of course. It’s necessary to create the proper image.
d. No way. Didn’t you ever see “The Incredibles”?
5. Do you have a secret identity?
a. Yes. Please list. We won’t tell anyone.
b. No. If choosing 5b, those accepted into SHOUT will be assigned a Secret Identity Coordination Key Officer (SICKO). Your SICKO will assist in the selection of a secret identity which you will use for the duration of your stay in SHOUT.
6. Do you have an arch nemesis?
a. Yes. Please list.
b. No. If choosing 6b, those accepted into SHOUT will be assigned a nemesis from our rival program, Rowdy Association of Villainous Evil (RAVE).
7. If you do not meet the requirements for being accepted into SHOUT, would you be interested in our affiliate Sidekick Program to Learn to Assist Super Heroes (SPLASH)?
b. No. I’m a Star, baby! If you don’t take me, I’m going to RAVE.
c. Undecided. What do the costumes look like?
When you have completed this application form, please turn it in to the Training Unit Super Hero (TUSH) at the front of the room. You will be notified of the results as soon as your application has been reviewed, unless you have listed your super power as telepathy, in which case we assume you know the answer.
Let’s SHOUT and Save The World!