Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Purist Hatbox?

This just in on Yahoo's Strange News, from Sheboygan, WI (where I lived for a while, years ago!): "Tankless Toilet Makes A Fashion Statement". Well. Alrighty then. First of all I have to wonder, do I WANT my toilet to make a fashion statement? I have a hard enough time making my SHOES make a fashion statement. I'm thinking I'd be pretty happy if all my toilet did was sit there quietly until it's needed and then flush properly afterward. Oh yeah, and it would be nice if I didn't have to scrub it so often too. A self-cleaning toilet would be very cool. That's an innovation I could get behind. But still, despite my doubts about Fashionista Toilets, it's the kind of headline I really have to check out. So I went to the Kohler website to read about it. You should go take a look too. Go ahead, I'll wait. Well, what did you think? Didn't it look JUST like that model was sitting on a lidded trash can? You know, the kind with the little foot pedal at the bottom you use to open the lid. And really Kohler People, having the model decked out in Bad Hair and Good Shoes (I really liked those shoes!) doesn't change that. She looks like she went to a party, broke the ankle strap on her pretty shoe, and plopped her skinny ass down on the kitchen trash can to fix it. C'mon...tell me I'm wrong. I believe this opens the door to some serious confusion. If I have guests in my home, and they need to use the bathroom, I don't want there to be ANY question in their mind which round white thing is the toilet and which round white thing is the trash can. That sort of confusion is a Bad Thing. And did you check out the price tag on that baby? Cowabunga! At between $2800 and $4300, I want it to not only be a fashion statement. I want the previously-wished-for self-cleaning feature. I want it to give me a wax job while I sit there. I want disco lights and stereo sound and custom vibrating action. And what the HELL is up with the name? The "Purist Hatbox Toilet"?? Puh-leeeeze. I can see it now: "Excuse me while I go use the Purist Hatbox." And someone got paid good money for thinking that up, yes? Or maybe they just get to have a Purist Hatbox of their very own. They'll be the envy of all the other kids in Sheboygan. Now, if you'll excuse me...um, tell me again which one is the trash can?

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