Friday, July 14, 2006

Quick Trip with a Side of Snark

'ello! I just got back from a quick overnight trip to Cincinnati to visit with J, who is working up there right now. I took the laptop with me and thought I would blog from the hotel, but it turned out I'm having issues with expired anti-virus software that doesn't seem to want to updated itself properly once I renewed. Gggrrr..... Working on that some more will be a task for this weekend. So I waited until I got home and could use the desktop. It's not like I had anything that exciting to say today anyway. The trip was mostly good except for the actual traveling part. On the plus side: 1. I finally cleared out my back seat of 10 garbage sacks full of clothes, shoes, accessories, and fabric I decided to give away - yes! Count 'em!...oh, well, you can't because they aren't there any more, but take my word for it, there were TEN freakin' bags. I'm SO glad to have my back seat open again instead of driving around looking like I'm taking my garbage on an outing! 2. I got to have lunch and a nice little visit with my friend Bev - that's always fun! 3. I got to have supper and hotel sex with my hubby. I figure any day that includes both grilled shrimp and orgasms can't be all bad. BUT. Oh yes, my lovelies, there is a "but." That doesn't mean it's all good either. I now hereby feel the need for a wee bit of snarkage. On the minus side: 1.To anyone driving a car or truck in the greater Cincinnati area yesterday or this morning: If you are not a member of my immediate family or a close personal friend, I probably detest you right now. I just thought you should know. 2. To the guy driving the 18-wheeler with the HT trailer on it between Cincinnati and Maysville: Dude. You know how sometimes on a two-lane road a third lane will open up and it'll say "Truck Lane" and "slow traffic keep right"?? Well, yeah, um, that means YOU. Seriously, dude, you aren't driving a sportscar and there's no reason in the world for you to be anywhere except the far right lane on those uphill stretches of road. Lucky for me it's illegal to mount rocket launchers on the front of a car, otherwise I'd be in jail right now. Lucky for you too, because you'd be a smoldering pile of ash by the side of the road. I'm just sayin'. 3. To the drunk, stoned, and/or just plain stupid man driving the white Dodge Dakota on Hwy 560 in front of me today: Sit down a minute, sweetie, because I want to explain something to you and I have a feeling you're going to need all your brain cells for this one. Focus now! You know those bright yellow lines painted on the middle of the road? Well, yeah, you should know, those are there for a reason - other than just For Pretty, I mean. I know it probably looks all cool and everything when you're straddling those lines and they're coming right toward you, so that you feel like you could open your mouth and swallow them like ribbon candy. But see, here's the thing. There are other cars on the road besides you. Yes, seriously, there are! Those lines are meant to mark something called "lanes" and there's a wacky concept going around that everyone who is driving in the same direction on a particular road is supposed to try to stay in the same lane to avoid a little thing called a "head-on collision." In particular, when you're coming up on a hill, and you can't see what's on the other side, you might want to try the "driving in the correct lane" thing because you know what? You can't see what's on the other side of the hill until you're alllll the way on the top and starting down the other side! Imagine that! And one of these days the person on the other side of the hill might not see you in time to swerve out of the way like they did today. And also, one of these days that person could be me or someone I love. So let's work on this whole "lane" concept, ok? I feel sure you can get it if you try. Once you do, come back and see me again and I'll tell you about an awesome new invention called a "turn signal." It'll rock your world! Sigh. Before I go, here's just a little bit of pretty to counteract the ugly. I'm sure I'll feel more cheery again tomorrow. I don't plan to drive anywhere tomorrow! Ahem. "Poppy" I haven't had any time the past couple of days to visit blogs, including all the poetry posts from yesterday, but I'm hoping to catch up this weekend!

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